Limbo
by S.N. Rainsworth
Summary: October 31st always hurts him the most. / brother-bonding, dark.


**Limbo  
><strong>_[October 31st always hurts him the most.]_

_._

_._

If anyone has noticed anything different about Rin, they don't say anything.

He knows that he's slowly changing. He's not participating in class anymore—his participation usually being his head against the cool desk, snoring away the extra hours that he didn't get on the previous night. It's like they all expect him to be some sort of great, infallible demon. Like, _oh, he shouldn't get tired. _And, _he's stronger than all of us, let him do the work. _And, _you're going to defeat Satan, right? Go practice. You'd last all but three seconds with him. _

Rin wants to yell at them, scream at them. _I'm human! _he shouts in his mind. _I'm human! I'm human! _And soon, it turns into a mantra that he can't seem to shake off. A habit that etches it's way into the surface of his mind. They think that he's not ready. They think that he's just some stupid kid that deserves to die or has to be trained to the maximum to even take down a demon. They think he has no control.

_You'd last all but three seconds with him. _

They think that he doesn't know what fighting feels like.

But Rin knows what fighting feels like. He knows how to punch and kick and hit someone where it hurts. He knows how to take a blow and how to give one. He knows how to use his words to hurt another person. He knows how to stop people from hurting him. He knows how to keep suspicion away, keep prying eyes away, keep them _all fucking away. _He knows how to fight.

He has been fighting Satan for nearly a whole month.

It began in late September, when he felt a creeping presence in the back of his mind. They had been back from a mission, so Rin passed it off as post-exorcism jitters. He had those before too. But it didn't go away like he expected, like he hoped.

Slowly, the presence grew stronger. No longer was it his second doubt, his malicious self, but it was an entire entity on it's own residing right there in his head. _Satan, _the voice hissed to him one day when he was in his bed, curled up and trying to fight off an odd chilliness to his bones. _I'm your papa, kid. Don't you want to say hi? Give me a hug?_ And then he laughed. He laughed this awful laugh that made Rin want to claw his ears out.

Satan grew. Before, it was just small, off-handed comments when he was alone in the dark, waiting. But now, it was nearly every day. His voice was a constant in his mind, poisoning him, filtering through his veins unwillingly. He couldn't _not _listen to him. He said things. Horrible things. Awful things that made Rin think of things that he didn't want to think or breathe or feel. He wanted to be numb, just to be away from those slithering, unctuous words that haunted him. To when he walks through the halls, less and less boisterous, to the moment his head hits the pillow.

Before, Rin could never fool his brother. He's been getting better at it. Now, he can lay still on the bed, even his breathing and close his eyes, relax his muscles and pretend like he isn't ADD, that he isn't waiting for the moment when Yukio will finally go to sleep, like he can't hear the voices. Like they don't drive him insane, like they don't make him want to dig himself in a deep hole and want to die.

He became quiet. It happened so gradually, but it happened. He stopped talking, because he was afraid of what would come out of his mouth. His skin became paler and dark circles formed under his eyes from lack of sleep. He could not focus. He constantly seemed to keep himself awake in class, which was an oddity in itself. When he cooked, he moved with a robotic automation. The food tasted bland.

They start to notice when it's nearly Halloween and everyone is excited—after all, Halloween calls for a four-day weekend. It begins when Bon is talking to Renzou about their costume plans (and how it was utterly stupid of course) and the candy they were gonna stuff themselves with at the Halloween party. Of course, Bon turned around and asked in his usual haughty manner, "Are you comin', little monkey?"

No answer.

Bon and Renzou shared a look. They both turned to Rin, who was sitting quietly at his desk, back hunched and hands fiddling with who-knows-what. Bon rolled his eyes; he was awake, he had no excuse to not respond. "Oi! Monkey! Aren't ya' gonna answer me?"

Silence.

"What's wrong with Okumura-kun?" Konekumaru asked, taking notice of the blue-haired teen's odd behavior as well.

"I don't know," Bon growled, "But I'm gonna find out."

He stomped over to where Rin's seat lay. Then, with one smooth move, knocked him on the backside of the head. "Jesus, have you gone deaf or something, Okumura? I was callin' you like five ti-imes..." Bon's voice broke as Rin looked up, apparently knocked out of his shock. Bon was faced the epitome of a sick person; a pallid and wan tone, the dark rings, the way he seemed to blink twice to everything before answering.

"O-oh..." Rin seemed lost for a moment, blue eyes fluttering around nervously. "Um...sorry, uh...what did you say?"

"Do you feel okay, Okumura-kun?" Konekumaru asked, worried. He shuffled anxiously. "You don't look so good."

Rin blinked, surprised. "Me? I'm fine. Don't worry about me, you guys..." he said it with such certainty, that for a moment Bon found himself believing it. Then he took another look at Rin and scowled, crossing his arms.

"Bullshit," he spat. "You look like a ghost. What's goin' on?"

This time, Rin gave him a glare. "Nothin', alright? God, you guys get worked up over the smallest things." he huffed. But when he saw that none of the boys were going to lay rest to their interrogation of him, Rin lamented, "Shura's just been training me extra hard. I'm tired nowadays. Don't feel like doing anything." That was some of the truth, at least. "It's nothing."

And without letting them answer back, he stood up abruptly and turned around, fleeing out the door. His friends stared after him, stunned at the cold dismissal, and Bon growled after wiping the hurt off his face.

Rin could still hear the whispers.

_(they hate you, why the fuck would they ever accept you? You're a monster. Not even human. Not even human.)_

He felt something placing their cold fingers around his throat, cutting off air, and around his heart, making him feel cold all over. A sort of chilliness that originated from deep in your bones and spread like virus throughout your body, throughout your being, throughout your soul. And that doesn't make _sense _because he is made of fists and angry words and bright, warm fire. Blue fire. Sparks that roll off his skin.

Rin clutched his head and knelt down, in his small little corner of the school where no one knows where he is. Behind his door, behind the locks and eyes and voices. Just him and his sanity, fighting it out to see who would win the end. Rin leaned back, feeling the wood of his cot frame edging into his back.

At that moment, the sound of the door closing met with Rin's ears. He groaned, but it's not because of Satan.

"Rin?" said the soft voice of Yukio. "Nii-san, are you okay?"

Rin doesn't say anything for a very long time. But that's okay, because Yukio understood. He understood that all of this was not his fault and it's Satan's fault—_their father their father their horrid father—_and Yukio understood that he wanted it all to end but it somehow wouldn't and he hated that. It seems like these days Yukio is the only one who understands.

"Get him out of my head," Rin croaked out, desperate, his eyes lit by a foggy cloud of insanity. "Get him out of my head, Yukio! Get him out!" He started to claw at his head, as if it would somehow help. "Get him out! _Please, get him out!_"

"N-nii-san! Stop, that, you'll hurt yourself—!"

Yukio's cries fell on deaf ears. Rin couldn't take it. He hated this. He hated it all. He wanted Satan _out. Out out out out out. _Out of his head, out of his life, out of his body—_NOW GET OUT make it stop make it stop shut up please..._Words, phrases, they all flowed through his head like the fire of Gehenna, but he couldn't control it at all. He could feel it burning inside of him, feeling the whispers mingling with the voices—_not just mine, yukio bon shima izumo shiemi stop stop stop stop stop please..._

_"Rin, RIN!"_

Bon heard the shout of pain even before everyone else. But there were more people as they crowded around someone in the hallway—no doubt it was Okumura. The guy was always attracting attention. Bon scowled, the rest of his friends at his heels, but then when he started to go through he saw something that stunned him in place.

Yukio. Their _professor, _whom they had always known as cold-hearted and merciless, without an ounce of anything other that detached bemusement, actually panicked. His glasses were askew and his blue-green eyes were wide with anxiety. In fact, if Bon didn't know better, he'd think Yukio was about to cry.

And then he saw Rin.

"Someone get Mephisto!" Yukio shouted, and three students jumped. One started to run in the other direction. "Get a teacher! Anybody! _Please!_" His voice, always cool and calculating, was now tinged and soaked in desperation. He sounded exhausted, and Rin was crouching before him muttering something under his breath, clutching his hair so hard that Bon might think that he would've ripped it out if possible.

"What's going on?" Renzou asked, a bit scared and worried. "What's wrong with Rin-kun?"

"I-I don't know," Bon stammered, stepping back. "What the hell..."

"_GET HIM OUT!_" Someone yelled, and Bon felt a chill down his back. The voice, hoarse from shouting and screaming but no doubt familiar, was Rin's. And he was crying. And Yukio looked like he was about to cry. Rin fell into his brother's arms, sobbing endlessly, "_Get him out get him out get him out get him out..._"

And Bon could swear that for a moment, he could hear a dark, chilling laughter pierce the air.

.

Yukio was separated by his brother by a wall. A large, steel, invisible wall. But as he clutched at nothing, he saw how his older brother fought against his restraints, fought against their father, screamed in agony every time he had to endure it, screamed when a fresh wave of pain rippled through him. Yukio clutched his fingers so hard that they made crescent moons on his palms.

Someone patted him on the shoulder. A nameless advocate of the Vatican. "It'll be okay," said the exorcist tonelessly, a type of hopeless reassurance that Yukio couldn't find himself to believe in unless said by his brother's lips. "The monster has been locked up, he won't hurt you."

Yukio felt like someone slapped him upside the head with an iron. "Get out," he hissed, trying to keep his voice under control. When the hand was taken off his shoulder in a startled surprise, he turned to glare at the offender; the exorcist got the idea and quickly left. Yukio felt the tears prickle behind his eyes, and he fell to the floor, eye-level with his brother. Rin's grunts of pain and little yelps tormented him. Oh, how he wanted to bash Satan out of Rin's head.

"_Get him out get him out get him out..._"

Rin had been chanted the same thing endlessly for the past few hours. Yukio was just now able to talk to him; before, they had enough trouble trying to get him settled down. Rin's appearance had changed into his slightly more demonic one; his ears became pointier, his canines sharper, his eyes electric blue with darkened red pupils. Blue flame spurted once in while, but Yukio could do nothing. He was separated from his brother by a wall.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Yukio whispered brokenly, feeling his own emotions come down in a minute. He felt pain in a way he had never felt pain before. "Brother, Rin, why didn't you tell me? Didn't you trust me? Weren't we...I thought that..." _Thought that we were brothers. _Thought that Rin loved him.

Yukio knew that Rin _did. _That he shouldn't think these awful thoughts because it wasn't his own. He was, after all, a son of Satan as well—he had always been off at Halloween, unlike himself. But Rin has it worse. And Yukio feels like his chest is about to burst, like he's about to cry and scream and rip his hair out and tear himself apart.

Rin let out a pant, but didn't stop chanting. His arms were chained to the floor by silver shackles. He twisted and tried to get out of them, but it was obvious that he was failing. Red marks formed on the place where the handcuffs hit his bare skin, not healing themselves. He started to bleed the more he struggled, but Yukio can't do anything to stop it; Rin can't hear him.

Unknown to Yukio and Rin is the students standing right outside the door, frozen in place. No one said a word, in fear that one of the Okumura brothers would hear. They wanted to visit Rin, but...it seemed like a bad time, now that they saw...

Rin started to have tears rolling down his cheeks. His chant changed to, "Yukio..._I'm sorry._" Yukio's head snapped up, and Rin continued on, "_I'm sorry I'm such a bad brother and I'm sorry I can't be there for you and I'm sorry for mom dying and I'm sorry for father dying and I'm sorry for not noticing these things and I'm sorry I couldn't protect you and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry get him out get him out get him out..._"

Yukio put his head on the invisible wall that separates him and his brother, wanting nothing more than to blurt out the same words, though his throat feels oddly choked. His fingers dig deeper into his own skin. Yukio takes in a sharp breath as suddenly, the crescents on his palm start to bleed as well, their skin broken. He placed his hands on the invisible wall, staring at his older brother, blood running down both their hands and wrists; blood that ties them together.

In the largest tower of Cross Academy, the clock strikes midnight on October 31st.

.


End file.
